


Dream Logic

by Bemused_Writer



Category: CLAMP - Works, X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bittersweet, Dreams, F/M, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Genderbending, Het, M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:54:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23205814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bemused_Writer/pseuds/Bemused_Writer
Summary: “Do you think… what if they laugh?” Kamui finally asked as he toyed with the delicate satin collar about his throat.“No one would dare laugh at a bride on their wedding day,” Kotori said strictly. “It would be outrageous.”“Yes, but I’m…”A man,he didn’t say.It wasn’t the first time he’d had the dream, but it was the first time it had gotten to the end.Kamui gets a wish fulfilled and a new possibility presents itself.
Relationships: Monou Kotori/Shirou Kamui, Shirou Kamui & Sumeragi Subaru, Shirou Kamui/Sumeragi Subaru
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	Dream Logic

Kamui stood before the vanity feeling incredibly nervous. He was about to walk out and make his vows. Vows he’d longed to make for years, but never actually thought he’d get around to. He glanced over at Kotori who was fixing her hair. She appeared utterly serene, happy. Certainly much more confident than himself.

“Do you think… What if they laugh?” Kamui finally asked as he toyed with the delicate satin collar about his throat. He’d spent so much time choosing the dress, he’d scarcely thought about what people would think when he donned it. Now that the day was at hand, he could think of little else. Should he have given in to tradition after all? He’d long since learned men weren’t supposed to be brides, but he’d always thought it would be so joyous…

The dress itself was in a cream color with a yellow sash about the waist. He’d chosen lavender for the cuffs of the dress and the ruffled strip about the bottom at Kotori’s request.

“No one would dare laugh at a bride on their wedding day,” Kotori said strictly. “It would be outrageous.”

“Yes, but I’m…” _A man,_ he didn’t say. He looked down shamefacedly.

“What you are,” she said gently as she turned him to face her, “is my bride, just like we always wanted, and you’ve never looked more beautiful. We’ve only invited close friends; they will understand.”

Kamui beamed at her. This was why he’d always wanted to be with her in the first place. Her utter acceptance of his desires, his oddities, and her constant support in difficult times had gotten him through so much. Instantly, he felt self-assured. If Kotori was comfortable marrying someone with such eccentricities, then surely it was all right.

“I love you, Kotori,” he announced suddenly. She flushed in delight and wrapped her arms about him.

“And I love you,” she whispered in his ear. “So,” she said, stepping back momentarily, “what do you think of my outfit?”

She was dressed in a pastel yellow suit with bright blue buttons in the shape of sparrows. Her hair was loose and she wore a flower crown of bluebells and roses with just a few lavenders, “to match your dress,” she’s insisted. Kamui couldn’t recall a time she’d looked lovelier.

“You look wonderful,” he responded softly, feeling utterly overwhelmed. He’d never thought this day would come; he’d thought…

His nose scrunched up. He felt like he was forgetting something important.

“Shall we?” she asked, extending her arm. “Brother will have to walk you down the aisle, but until then…”

“Yes,” Kamui said with certainty as he linked his arm through hers.

They met up with Fuuma outside the cathedral. Kamui couldn’t quite remember how they’d gotten there, but it didn’t seem important. Karen had picked the locale and Kamui had been more than willing to let her arrange the whole thing. He’d had no idea how to organize a wedding and Kotori had swiftly been overwhelmed by all the orders they needed to make.

“Oh,” Fuuma breathed. “The two of you look incredible.”

Kamui ducked his head as Kotori let out a joyous laugh. “Kamui was a little nervous, but I think we’re ready now.” She glanced at him for confirmation and when he gave a firm nod, she finally let go of him.

“I suppose I need to get to the altar,” she sighed. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

After the door closed behind her, Fuuma said, “Karen-san was a bit outraged the two of you weren’t avoiding each other until the ceremony,” Fuuma laughed. “But I think it should be fine.”

“Of course it’s fine,” Kamui mumbled. “We’ve seen each other every day for years.”

“Exactly.”

“Is everyone already here?” Kamui asked.

“Just about. We’re still waiting for Sumeragi-san. I think he had a job he had to do?”

“Ah.” Subaru was always busy; Kamui was frankly amazed he could make it to the wedding at all. Apparently, being an onmyoji left precious little time for anything else.

He felt momentary sadness; he knew Subaru had wanted to do something else with his life, but the opportunity to do so never came.

A car suddenly pulled up. Kamui smiled as the man in question rushed out, looking harried. An amused-looking woman got out of the passenger seat with him.

“I’m so sorry,” he said sheepishly. “I really tried to rush things, but the spirit was angry and—“

“That’s enough about work, Subaru,” the woman said with an eye roll. “This one is a workaholic, I tell you,” she continued with a world weary sigh.

“But Sister…”

Kamui tilted his head. Ah, this was Subaru’s twin sister. Surely they’d met before, but she seemed somewhat… unfamiliar. She also seemed younger than Subaru, but that wasn't possible. They were twins.

Well, it didn’t matter.

“You look wonderful,” Subaru finally said as he processed the dress. He reached out to grasp his hand. For some reason, that made perfect sense, and Kamui clasped it right back.

“Do you think so?” Kamui felt suddenly shy; Subaru was the last person who would judge, but his opinion seemed to matter a lot more than he’d anticipated.

“Of course!”

“We’ll go inside now and actually allow the bride to walk down the aisle,” the woman said as she dragged Subaru through the doors. To his surprise, a sparrow settled on his shoulder just as they walked through the door. Subaru let out an exclamation of utter delight before the door closed behind them. "Sister! A sparrow!"

Kamui shook his head fondly.

“Are you ready?” Fuuma asked, extending his arm. His musings interrupted, Kamui gave an excited nod.

“Definitely.”

What came next was something of a blur, almost like it was being fast-forwarded. He was at the altar with Kotori, sunlight was streaming through stained glass. Karen was reading from the Bible and then asking them to say their vows.

“I do.”

Kotori kissed him, her arms wrapped about his shoulders, and he held her tightly about the waist, and for one, glorious moment, everything was perfect.

When they parted, she looked overjoyed, but also sad. Everything faded as her radiance became almost overwhelming. Kamui clutched at her tightly, never wanting to let her go.

“Thank you, Kamui.”

* * *

Kamui all but lunged out of bed, his arms outstretched, seeking a person he knew he wouldn’t find. “Kotori!”

Silence.

He stayed that way for a while before finally lowering his arms as he curled about himself. It wasn’t the first time he’d had the dream, but it was the first time it had gotten to the end. He couldn’t tell if that made it better or worse.

He wanted that reality _so much._

There was a knock at the door. “You’re going to be late if you don’t get going!” Sorata’s tone was a mix of exasperation and worry. Just another typical morning, then.

“I’m coming,” Kamui forced out.

He didn’t miss the concerned looks everyone was giving him as he entered the kitchen and downed some green tea before rushing out the door. He never could meet their eyes after that dream; he felt too vulnerable.

His classes went by in a haze. When study period finally came, he gently excused himself from Keiichi’s overenthusiastic offer to study together and ran to the pavilion he was sure Subaru would be at.

Predictably, he was.

“You’re here,” Kamui said with more relief than he’d intended.

Subaru gave him a once over before asking, carefully, “Is something wrong?”

“Just a lot of schoolwork,” Kamui said as he unpacked books and papers. He didn't meet Subaru's eyes as he said it; he wasn't sure how to broach the subject of if he even should. It was awfully personal.

“Well, I’m more than happy to help you with it,” Subaru replied, but he sounded unconvinced. He didn’t have a cigarette lit for once; it left Kamui feeling a bit better about the world. He hated what those cigarettes represented.

They settled into their now familiar routine and Kamui relaxed ever so slightly. Subaru's presence was always calming; nonjudgmental and supportive were two words that matched him perfectly. He was explaining a math equation to him when it happened.

Kamui heard the flutter of birds above. When he glanced up, they had all settled on a tree branch and, to Kamui’s mind, were eyeing him curiously. The birds in question were familiar; they were the same type of sparrow that so often visited him when he was at Kotori's grave. They appeared to be prompting him.

“Subaru,” he interrupted, sounding uncertain even to himself. The birds were acting kind of strangely; they were as still as statues. Expectant. Waiting.

He glanced up from where he’d been writing an example. “Yes?”

“Can I… ask you an odd question?”

Subaru set the pencil down and straightened slightly. “Of course you can.”

He shifted slightly; Subaru was probably the best person _to_ ask, and not just because he wouldn't judge him. “Can the dead… can they send you a message? In your dreams?”

At that, Subaru’s mien took on a more serious expression. “You had a prophetic dream?”

Kamui shook his head. “No, what happened in that dream is… It’s impossible now. But I feel like there was some truth to it all the same.”

He tapped his pencil against the paper contemplatively. “In my time as an onmyoji I have seen such things. Not often, but it’s not impossible. If there’s something the dead wish to tell us desperately enough, they may linger until the message is delivered.”

A message… It didn’t feel like a message so much as an aspiration. His brow furrowed. He’d never been good with symbolism; if there was supposed to be some other message than that he obviously wanted to marry Kotori, he had no idea what it could be.

“May I ask what it was about?” Subaru probed gently.

“Kotori,” he replied without hesitation. Telling Subaru didn’t bother him; he’d already delved into his mind anyway. “We were getting married.”

“It sounds like a wonderful dream,” Subaru smiled.

“You were there as well,” Kamui continued, unable to stop now that he’d begun. “And your sister, and Fuuma. Karen was the priest.”

“My sister?” Subaru said in surprise. “I wouldn’t have expected her to make an appearance in your dream.”

“Mm, she looked the way you showed me except she was in a dress.” Come to think of it, it had been a pretty bizarre dress. “But the part that was different was that I saw the end this time.”

“You’ve had the dream before?”

Kamui nodded. “Kotori looked sad and… she said thank you.” He looked away, feeling overwhelmed.

Subaru reached over and clasped his hand. His skin was smooth and warm and Kamui tried to focus on that instead of the way his heart felt like it was breaking all over again.

“I can’t say for certain whether that was really Kotori-san or a dream filled with your own longing, but what you received is something precious,” Subaru said warmly. “It’s a dream in the best sense of the word; you had a wish fulfilled.”

He nodded shakily and clasped Subaru’s hand tightly, his homework utterly forgotten. He took a deep breath, trying to center himself. It wasn’t easy when he could still feel the eyes of the sparrows on him.

Eventually, one of them leapt off the branch and settled right on Subaru’s shoulder.

“Oh!” he exclaimed as he looked at it with something like awe in his eyes. “It’s been ages since a bird has approached me like this.” He stuck a finger out to pat its head gently, looking happier than Kamui could recall ever seeing him.

For Kamui’s part, all he could do was stare. _Didn’t a sparrow land on his shoulder in the dream as well?_

Slowly, a smile worked its way on his lips. “Yeah,” Kamui said softly. “I think it suits you.”

“Speaking with animals has always been easier than with people,” Subaru continued, utterly oblivious to the effect his words were having on Kamui. He gave the bird a few more pats before it finally took off.

“How unusual,” he murmured. “Ah, but we were discussing your dream.”

“It’s all right,” Kamui said softly. “I think I figured out the second meaning,” he murmured.

“Hm?”

“Nothing! So, you were explaining these equations to me…”

While he looked bemused, Subaru was too polite to ask what the sudden shift in conversation was about. Instead, he diligently returned to tutoring Kamui in math.

He’d tell him someday. For now, he still had several tests ahead of him and a world to save.

The twittering of birds and the scent of flowers followed him for the rest of the day.

**Author's Note:**

> Kamui once said he wanted to be Kotori's bride and I am, personally, very supportive of those two in a nontraditional relationship. I think it could have been awesome.
> 
> I tried to include a few little details to make it clear it was a dream, such as Hokuto appearing younger and Kamui not knowing Subaru called her "Hokuto-chan" instead of "Sister."
> 
> * * *
> 
> You can see more of my stuff/say hi on [Dreamwidth](https://bemused-writer.dreamwidth.org/) and [Tumblr](https://bemused-writer.tumblr.com/). (^^)


End file.
